I simply want to be truly frank on this

One of the most exciting things about the MT programme,
was not really those ppt slides,(I realize I can be utterly lazy at times when it comes to memorizing,
tho I still appreciate a great deal how those data contributes to my understanding of where I'm gonna fit in)I realize I'd realy wanna hear people's story -looking into how people think, work, go thru life stages...very much a Psychology student ain't I?

So it goes that I eventually got this book called "First 90 Days" -
forgive me for exaggerating, but ever since my graduation I've been kinda waiting for a book to save my life- the first one came along as Lung Ying Tai's "Dear Andrew",
which solved part of my confusion at crossroads;
and now I'm expecting this book to offer me insights to a kick start at work.

As you may know this is already (officially) my third job,and yet with the scale of the company and its duration (highly probably, I hope) breaking previous records,I may as well say this is truly the starting point of my career (let's leave the definition open for now).

First time being exposed to lots of opportunities, first time getting invovled with projects at heart of the company's values and strategic developments, talking to key figures of the company, enjoying the privileges of getting colour printouts and my security card 3 months ahead of my colleague,
I do treasure all that without forgetting that it's something I eventually gotta pay off.

That's a source of motivation in a way, being fed with a wealth of knowledge, experience sharing and networking - life becomes so fruitful and rewarding that winds up my confidence and passion to stand up to the challenges. It's like all of a sudden, the timid me who used to panic every single time talking to my boss which always yield a "black face" (+smirk) wants to be out there, ready to reach for something higher and make much better use of my abilities, however little they are.

Yet transitions always require an adaptation phase, as my old Psy books'd have told me.
Even with that at the back of my head, I can't hide myself from the fact that this is one of the toughest transitions I've ever had - tho that's only natural - challenges of course, grow bigger while we grow over time! I still vaguely remember my first transitions at sec sch was nothing remarkable - Lord I've already started this crazy-self-reflection-and-

positioining-system at that age - I wasn't listening to the Ceremony speech but thinking "so who am I here? Am I the top student as those adults say? Or would I be the failing ones? Will I be good or bad?" OK sorry for being a lil very realistic here (guess I haven't been that realistic ever since then), but so it went, questions flowing in my head, but I just left it till I got my test results back. Same way with Sec sch, I was helplessly begging my parents to take me back to Shatin while queing up for registration- without success of coz. I still remember struggling whether I should just leave the whole sheet blank while compromising for "not checking thru" in the end. I hated to put on a weird blue dress, but what other choice did I have? There's nothing I can do but stay focused to observe how things go. It took me quite a while finding a position - may it be good or bad, I did like it.

Looking back all those transitions did leave footprints of my stumbling phases but still,
they all ended up in nice directions, more or less;
One thing that makes me panic when it comes to being part of the working world,
is that I feel threatened on staying true and be who I am.
I know I hold that myth that some "work world realistic smart personality" exist,
and no matter how hard I try to convince myself that people wouldn't have picked me if they don't like me,
I simply don't believe that I'd be the one they're looking for.
Recently I'm slowly removing those limitations to myself, and it turns out that people do value my potentials to a certain extent,
but I simply can't help feeling insecure and threatened.
I am scared of every single move I make, particularly with any senior person,
not to mention anyone in power to evaluate and judge my performance.
I don't know how everybody has gone thru all this but, for me,
all those e-mailing politics, when to send, who to send to, putting who on cc, putting whose name first,
and do not forget the length, use of wordings...
then what questions to ask, what not to ask, am I being reasonably critical or do I annoy anybody? Am I leaving a bad impression or am I too passive by making no impression?
Even when it comes to reporting my progress, what does the person expect?

Another one of my biggest frustrations being - from my past experience,
open communication itself does not solve communication problems.
And afterall, from what I've read on a news article:
Bosses in fact, do not look for the most capable, diligent subordinates, but those who match with their own working style - which I'm sure is quite true.

While people constantly stress the importance of open communication particularly for the programme,
I can't help but think that there'll always be a baseline to what that "openness" can be,
as we all know it.
For people like my father the word's nothing but a jargon,
which I'm sure can be right esp. in his industry and his era,
but in our world has the culture really changed into this open sharing one,
or has it only reach the leave of sharing best practices and information thru IT platforms/meetings?
Does feedback mechanisms turn out to function the way they should be or do they remain to be routine/a tool for office politics?

I don't know for how long would I hold these questions in my mind, and I'd say sometimes I feel torn between knowing the importance of trust,but do not easily confide. It's not easy finding that balance, and I'm sure it'll get more complicated as I'm in a much more complex situation right now.

Do kindly drop me any bits of your advice/experience sharing, I can't be more happy to know-
be it something you survive in, or something that you live and breath and rejoice in...
learning from other people's stories, that's what I do.

Besides, I'm sure that we'll live a happier life if we're staying united - sometimes I have the feeling that we're all left alone when it comes to work and it soon becomes a 50battles with 1 man Vs 10 rather than 50 people Vs 500 (tho still not very promising...?)?

Pampered may I be, I still consider myself lucky to have people whom I trust like you,
that I can be completely honest and open at certain points.
I hope you know I'll be here for you in case you need a blah blah blah,
tho you'd probably suffer a loss if we start counting no. of words one gotta swallow,
(see how I'm getting into the business mindset?!)
but that's the very popular field which we called friendship, yeah?