Life reconsidered

My life is good
I shouldn't be moany
and yet
I'm having my life reconsidered
What is, afterall, the most important?
Every time when I'm back in this piece of land where
time flows slowly
and space is no longer a luxury
where maximization is not an issue
it becomes a bitter reminder of a life I want to lead
where I don't have to push everything to extremes
for the "so-called" best
I've long past the age when I was ambitious
not only that I don't have the energy but
more so that I do not feel the need to be
why don't we admit that we're small and humble beings
but challenge the highest
why do we have to stretch each other to such an extent
which we're not suppose to be
why is it a must to be tough
though I know life does get tougher as we move on
I just want to be a normal person,
happy and content
This is a life I would not like to give up
unless for something huge
something so big enough for the mankind that I would rather pledge my life on
I don't know
I started fancy thinking about environmental studies
or reusable energy
somethign that'll cure the Earth perhaps
that would offer me the "meaning" I need
to justify my existence
Well, so after all that experience and so-called development
I'm still quenching for something more
but are we really something more than beings that struggle to survive
Oh my, oh my.
I'm confused.
Life. What is this all about afterall?
I've been appreciative of the past year
and yet the complacence of all I've been through have brought me to this realization -
yes I'm happy I'm progressing but is this the way where I want to go?

Or is there some other pursuit more essential to my life?

Or, I'm just pondering because I think I have a choice?

500 Days of Summer

*A cute little movie I wanna write about.
Quota's full for today, I'll get back to writing it.*

Pondering Partnership

(Hey, I'm back.)

It’s interesting how I’ve been thinking about this since I’ve been here in the UK– it could be that I’m reading Time Traveller’s Wife, or the freedom of being thrown out of the normal routine that puts me into thinking (秋, you caught me on the point of passion for traveling); more than anything, it’s probably this nice and comfy apartment, plus sharing it with someone that echoes the calling deep in my heart –
A life shared, a place where you belong, where you call home; Where you built it with love and commitment and tolerance.
(Do not get me wrong that I’m in love with my friend here XD)

For a moment I realize it can be such a miracle to say “我返嚟啦(I’m home)” while somebody chants in “你返嚟嗱?(welcome back)”; that somebody’s waiting for you in that warm cosy place while you are hurrying home, breathing into the phone inside your collar in the chilly night; that you want to make something nice for the dinner coz you have someone to share it with, then you say cheers as you clink your cups, even though it’s just water; that when you go out to see the world, and you wanna say “Look! It’s a marvellous sight!” – there would be someone to share the joy with, lying in each others’ arms.

Of coz there are the bad bits too - quarrelling about who should do the cooking, how the dish-washing should be done and all that – it’s a lot of compromising and tolerance, which I’ve also seen in my trip. I see how people worry about that loved ones in situation – it’s the first thing they think of “is he/she OK?” They probably didn’t realize it themselves but yes, it’s there on top of their mind.



Time Travellers’ Wife has been one of the most touching books I’ve read – it’s a simple love story, as the reviews have revealed, but spiced up by the exotic situation that the person can be displaced in time, all of a sudden, to a completely different era and space. It creates difficult situations, but the emotions are all the same - separations, longing, just in a different perspective. Clare and Henry have learned, in their weird encounter, to treasure each other much more as they know how brutal fate can be.



That brings me to the closing remark of 500 Days of Summer – that Tom’s learned that life’s not really about fate, but coincidence. The difference being that you don’t wait for things to happen – fate gives you the chance, but it’s totally up to you to take it or leave it. It kinda reminds me of the old days when one single decision I made could have changed the whole course of things – but I didn’t and there I am. I would be interested to know how it would turn out but there is no way regretting, it’s a choice we’ve made on our path and we walk on.

This is a confession – yes if I ever have a choice I will always wanted to share a life with someone, and for a moment I thought cohabition and marriage is not bad afterall. Or even, very very good. Not the fantasy type of good but – yes. Oh yes I’m a hopeless romantic.
I wake up one day listening to this song and tears slide down my cheeks –
Oh, how precious it is for a love so dear.
“If the road ahead is not so easy
our love will lead the way for us
just like a guiding star
I’ll be there for you if you should need me
You don’t need to change a thing
I love you just the way you are”

***
Words fail me again – how I wish I’ve written better. For a moment I do enjoy the beauty of writing in English – it makes the emotions more restraint and subdued. And that’s exactly how I want it to be.