《越人歌》

很喜歡這一闕歌，
美得不可方物。

－。－。－。－。

今夕何夕兮　搴洲中流
今日何日兮　得與王子同舟
蒙羞被好兮 不訾詬恥
心幾煩而不絕兮 得知王子
山有木兮木有枝
心悅君兮君不知

－。－。－。－。

傳說楚鄂君子晳泛舟湖上，女子邊打槳邊輕歌，
鄂君不解，遂請人為他譯為楚語，而得此歌。
後君知道越女心意，微笑著帶她回去。

。individual

那突如其來想哭的衝動
不是壓力的迫逼
也不是來自別人的誤解

而是當我彷彿覺得
找到了一個自己
在鏡裏的倒影中
瞳孔反射出一種光芒
告訴我甚麼叫做信念

那段與我不相干的文字
觸動了我
那種能夠相信自己的感動。

廿二歲的生日願望
已在起步了吧

聚散。二人

(覺得這一句跟劇連貫性不強,但卻流下了第一滴淚。
因為我曾經不停跟自己說這句話。)

「如果明天是世界末日?你會做甚麼?
我會約我所有的親友來跟我好好的吃一頓飯。然後我會說,
"I love you, you are so beautiful"。」

~《二人聚．二人散》~

。
(小驚喜: 哈,我第一幕時被黃龍斌狠狠的插死了! XD)

有點散亂
不過那點點的溫馨感覺
兩隻小蟬之間的情誼
卻很深刻
可愛得難以抗拒而且甜在心頭

那種甜變奢侈了嗎?還找得著嗎?

很記得那一幕
恨我忘了那首寧靜的歌
在銀藍的月光下
兩個戴著面具的人
一雙手
幻化成花開花落
葉兒飄降
輕輕的 悄悄的
一片 又一片

或抓住每一朵捉不住的落紅
或細看每個蓓蕾由含苞到盛放然後勛落

你又怎麼看它呢?

如果我們有選擇的話
你會選擇去開始生命嗎?
又會如何選擇去結束?

如果當我們細看時
會為一隻蟬的生命只有"脫殼求偶交配產卵死亡"五個階段而感到哀傷
那末我們自己的生命呢?
是否真的超越了他們的層次?

我們活得比牠們長,
但可有活得比牠們好?

。

老細說到,當我們說到「同一天空下」
是打破了人類文明那種複雜性而回歸根源的說法;
其實又有甚麼關係呢
我們真的需要那種優越感
而去否定那種跨越一切的本質嗎
......要是那本質是愛。

。

為甚我可以維持著optimisism
可以把一切快樂的不快樂都看成experience而去珍而重之
可以珍重人之為人的價值
可以天真地去相信身邊的人和事
可以相信只要用心只要率真一切都變得簡單

只是一但跳出來
一切就倒塌崩壞

可以讓我相信嗎
可以不要承諾只要勾手指嗎
可以不常見面但當一生的朋友嗎

總是來去匆匆: 緣份你是不是太忙了?

告訴我......
我還不想「化」。

「人有悲歡離合 月有陰晴圓缺
此事古難全 但願人長久 千里共嬋娟」

難得幾千年前的他也沒有「化」。

Roller Coaster

For an emotional person like me, this is definitely very true.

There are always moments when I feel like I'm on the edge.
Like I feel as if, one step further and I'll be out of control,
that I'll fall into the world down under when all my life here would be out of reach,
when beauty and freedom of life would seem like a shattered illusion,
and I would live as if all the good is nothing more than a dream.
I'd look up into the sky to find the charming colours
while being extremely aware of the fact
that I'm trapped in the abyss of darkness

Yet I remember from that single invicible moment when I felt so touched
by people who love me, support me and encouraged me
I secretly promised myself that I will never fall back again
into that whirlpool of never-ending pessimistic thoughts -
for I feel that life can be so good
and it is the brighter side of it that I shall never forget;
I said to myself that I should take the energy from there and live a good life.

Well yes. I have to keep reminding myself.
I wonder why I need so many reminders to talk myself into believing that I can live a good life, but it is ever so easy to convince myself to believing in anything else.

* However stupid it might sound, I feel like God is waving to me....*

突然感動,今天經歷過一切不如意的都不再重要了。

(待續)

Special thanks to...

Grace,一起慶祝我們美好的最後一年。

Kelvin, 聽了我的勞騷，還說了許多道理。

K鄧,thanks for your blah blah blah. I wish you the very best I can。

張麟,thanks for being there for me always 。

老細和Winnie:
我想是你們對世界那份獨到的見解和熱忱,把我們連在一起。
這些年來的關照和啓迪，
著實叫我感激不盡。

還有Ivy,多得你的幫忙,實在嚇一大跳。

I feel like crying。

A day of inspirations

It's been a wonderful day...

(oops it's 4 something at night so do forgive my Cantonese-style English... and I realize... I'm flooding my writing with a lot of "mind-statements"... I'm such a metacognitive thinker......)

MY BOSS and ME

First I started off by calling my "boss"(my thesis supervisor) to make an appointment, and I was surprised what a personal conversation I ended up in. He started blurting out all his frustrations of being a professor and I felt for him. I was also really grateful that throughout these years, though I could never claim that I know him (I wonder if anybody in the world could), we have developed a certain kind of understanding towards each other, and it was really great to hear how he knows about me, my personality, my aspirations, my thoughts and my doubts... when he told me that he would take up part of the responsibility for my thesis as soon as he signed that endorsement form, I should admit that I felt sort of... touched. I knew not why but I'm like, he's more than just my "supervisor" but a caring teacher and friend. Despite some confusion and communication breakdown through these years, I can still feel that kind of connection between us. It was from then on that I felt more comfortable to actually share with him my ideas and reasons behind doing this thesis, and communication was on the way. It was great talking to him and he inspired me a great deal about what I want to do, and about my attitude towards research. At that point I felt like I shouldn't have put this relationship aside and there're a hundred more things I'd like to share with him. From now on I'm really looking forward to taking his class - Psychology of Language, having him as the lecturer and having language as our topic of study - it makes me feel at home. I feel like I'm having a wonderful discourse with him and language in general rather than just sitting in a class... WOW. I'm feeling hopeful.

"It's a waste that you two are working with me. I can hardly teach you anything."
He shouldn't have said it, if he had known how much inspirations I've got.
I guess it's that something special about him being Cheung Him that has connected us all together... in spite of all that bizarre interactions :p

－。－。－。－。

After that I went out with the excuse that I had to go to CU and print some lit (i.e. Psy journal articles, in CUHK terms), and ended up meeting two of my best secondary school friends - LEUNG YAN and MIFFI.

BROKEN BAG@ AGNES B.

One funny episode of the day is that I BROKE my BAG... (XD)... yep I definitely trust my Agnes b. bag too much and abused it over these past few months so it broke... I had to hold it in my arms, while I went to the newly open Agnes b. shop to ask for two Agnes b. paper bags for carrying my stuff. I felt so dumb having one of those bags in each of my hand, as if I'm such a shopaholic who also happens to be big fan of Agnes b. Whatever, my good friends helped me take my bags and pretended to be my maids... that made me feel like a rich lady of some sort... which means... a certain amount of uneasiness : p

REVISITING CHRSITIANITY

We also went to a evangelical bookshop, and I was feeling a little awkward for some reason... it's like meeting your ex-bf, knowing that you've once been really close but that it was your fault having never truly tried to understand him... then in the end you just made up excuses in leaving him and felt a little guilty ever since. (OK forgive me if you find this offensive, but in fact that's how I felt like.) I guess that pretty much sums up my relationship with Christianity or, God.

REMINDERS ON LOVE

Then we started looking at books on love relationships, and for a moment I felt as if I wanted to know more but not definitely not by means of reading. Like I'm not planning to read a guide book towards getting a right husband - that simply isn't me. However I found the following phrase kinda inspiring: (OK I'm paraphrasing it)
"Many girls have the expectation that they need not do anything to attract man, since (they think) the true one who loves them would simply love them as they are. Yet one should be aware that afterall, physical attraction matters and is part of the love we are looking for..."

Then I remember some guy insisted that "physical appearance was important" and it was funny how agitated when he said it.
Q: "I wonder what makes him being so into that statement... prolly he has fallen for someone who is physically attractive?
M:"I guess it'd be more likely that someone who's not physically attractive has fallen for him and made him feel that way."
Q: "Um......................(long pause). That's true."

FRIENDS ARE FRIENDS

Then we went for a drink at Pacific Coffee and I'd say though time was short, we had a really nice chat. (That's why I decided to forget about going back to work at all... well.) There's simply something great about being old friends - there are so many things you'd like to hear about them, feeling so comfortable sharing your lives and feelings, and that you never have to worry about the next topic. It was great that I could finally talk to Leung Yan about something other than the troublesome project, and after so long, eventually I got an idea about the missing pieces of her life in Canada.
And point number 2 - now I'm feeling that I really have to make this US-Canada trip work out.
It'd be so fun to visit some of my long-lost good friends as well as the new ones!

－。－。－。－。

CENTRAL

So I took some pics at Central. Of Norman Foster's HSBC. Of the opened up ground floor crowded with Filipinos. And of trees and lights and... whatever. I can't live without photography now. It's part of my life. It's how I look at life.

That's why "EOS" is my new boyfriend now. HAHAHAHA.

THE JAZZ CONCERT

It's such a pity that Tiff, who loves jazz, can't come to this lovely concert; but the good news is that I went with Jimmy : ) We're unfortunately, a little bit late for the show, but never too late to enjoy it :D I should admit that like before, I dozed off a bit during the concert, but the fact is that I was glad that I felt really comfortable to dream with the music and just stay as relaxed as I could be. (Sounds like an excuse but... that's what I felt honestly!) Oh and by the way I really love her voice - Stacey Kent rocks!!! Our desire to buy the CD, however, was turned off by the long queue in the lobby. Well... let's go check Amazon.com.

CULTURAL DESERT

I keep pondering about one question after the show - Is Hong Kong really a cultural desert? Many intellectuals would have said so, and I guess many other people would agree to it if they pay attention to the diversity of ring tones during a concert. Yet as Stacey Kent was all smiles waving goodbye to her beloved Hong Kong audience, promising to come back again soon, I recalled scenes from the past when performances were greeted by passionate welcome/farewell from Hong Kong people.

Thus for a moment I thought: so who says that Hong Kong people don't like art? Just take a thought on how much time it would take me to watch all these performances in Hong Kong, and count the number of people watching these shows with me... one can never get good tickets unless you reserve them at least a month in advance. I could not make a comment on how well people understand and take in the meanings from the art, (for I couldn't claim myself to be good at judgment either) but for sure the art scene is taking up speed in reaching a larger audience. Of course, part of the reason is that many of the shows are more and more popularized, but one could not deny that a lot of innovative experimentations are on the way. It was a delight to see shows like "the Light Scherzo" from On and On Theater co-existing with "Blindness" from the HKREP. Then here comes the New Vision Art Festival in November.

I have hopes for performing arts in Hong Kong. And that's why I'm still working hard on the mailing list.

THE ONLY ABC EXCEPTION

Jimmy and I then went off to get some fishballs (which were awesome!!!), rushed to the ferry and arrived in TST for my late dinner at around 10pm. I can't tell how wonderful our conversation was!!! Despite that days in Denmark are so far away, the same kind of intimacy and connections lingers on, and I felt as comfortable as ever to share and express all of my thoughts and feelings with Jimmy. Like for ages I haven't been communicating so well with most people I know, particularly when I have been in a stage when I was terribly exhausted about everything. I always went out bearing the responsibility of a friend and a host and ended up coming home with that feeling that I've got a true friend. Oh and seriously, Jimmy is the only ABC that I get along with! XD

HONG KONG IDENTITY

So we just randomly started our endless chat on Hong Kong culture...what it means to be Hong Kong(ese)? What do we think of our own culture and identity? How we position ourselves among the numerous ways of categorizations? It is wonderful how I can, once again, more or less as an outsider, observe and comment on the various manifestations of culture around me ... and I guess Jimmy has reminded me of what I truly am and what I know about MY place. How that weird mix-match claims its essence in every single detail about Hong Kong... how that sense of overwhelming changes underlies every event and the ongoing daily life... yeah we really should start writing this book as a platform for our exchange of ideas... !!! Anybody is free to contribute to this, and I would love to hear from those who has been exposed to a foreign environment, I'm sure will be offering us a new perspective.

Oh last but not least I love you JIMMY!!! : D

My Final Year

(可惡,照片拍得太馬虎了。)

又是在如此的一條
綠樹林蔭的路上
我感到前所未有的自由
思想上的自由
彷彿能夠掌握到自己的生活方式
享受完全屬於我的個人空間
在涼風包圍著我的世界裏
只有我自己
寧靜和諧得聽不到半點雜音
再沒有被湧進來的種種價值觀淹沒繼而窒息

但這一年
我不再寂寞自憐了
因為我知道
總有誰和誰跟我建立起來的connection
像一個個隱形的光圈
暖暖地圍繞著我。

我不會只停留於懷緬過去--
最後一年
希望會是最好的一年。

情史

小遊戲一個。
想像你的理想興趣如果變成一個人,
會是怎麼的一回事?

－。－。－。－。

To Music
我的初戀情人 。

小時候就已經認識，日久生情，
之後理所當然地當上我第一個愛上的人。
但只怪當時年紀小，
我沒有好好的認識過你。
分開帶來許多傷害，同行卻刺痛更深。
離離合合，剪不斷理還亂。
分開了之後，從他人口中得知你的事。
長大了，回看我們經歷過一切，
我才發現，我從不曾，也不可能理解你。
你的高深莫測讓我自卑不已，
讓我想逃離你的一切；
但我還是回來了，
因為離不開你帶給我的，
就算過幾多年你的所有也會如此吸引著我。
由那時候起，我學會了如何了解你，
就在某一天，在音樂廳裏，
我第一次窺見真實的你。

。
To Theatre
我的第二個戀人。

到底是由甚麼時候開始
我竟如此瘋狂的迷戀著你
是你太明白我了嗎
是你太觸動我了嗎
你讓我覺得自己活著
你讓我看得見愛和溫暖是何等微妙
每一次見你也能感受到脈膊的強烈跳動
叫我無法抗拒
轟轟烈烈
我們擁緊彼此的時候的熱度叫人目眩得像夢遊
直至你割傷我的時候我流的血也是滾燙的
滴在我抱著你的手背上
我沉默著離開
卻從沒離開過你
不停出現在你面前
對著全世界沒完沒了地說著發生過的一切
重溫著我們的回憶
而每一次再見都是徹底的不能自已
任何有關你的事情你的想像都抽搐著我的心臟
我很清楚知道
就算天昏地暗
我永遠都不可能忘了你。

你是叫我愛得最深的那一位,你知道的。
現在亦然。

。

To Litterature
失落在異地的戀人。

我覺得人生不能不信緣。
就在某一日，在地球某一個意想不到的角落，
我們遇上了。
我們早料到時間有限，
然而你帶給我看到的世界之大，
卻是我從沒想像過的。
如果沒有你，我不會是今天的我
不會做到我現在想做的事。
是你帶我走出了原本的框框，
看見無限的可能性。

我們還會再見嗎?
我真的不知道。也不再在乎了。
但還是很想告訴你,在我人生的重要時刻,
或在思想的某個空檔裏,
我都會想起你。
可以肯定，
有關你的所有片段,
都會一生一世陪伴著我。

。

To Softball
沒有結果的。

在你的出現以前，
一切都是這麼隨便地發生--
你是第一個讓我全心全意去付出的那一位。
我沒有理別人的反對，
那些人的閒話與中傷我都一一捱過了，
因為我知道只要還不想失去你的話，
那一切都不算甚麼。
多謝你讓我知道我的努力沒有枉費，
但當我的青春一直消耗的時候，
我也看得見這段關係的終點。
原諒我那次沒有親身向你道別,
但你的好意我收到了,
這已然是最圓滿的結果。

快畢業了,過去的人和事也全都過去了,
卻總是沒有機會約你說說近況，
未知還要等到甚麼時候?

。

To Film
觸不到的萬人迷。

從來都是隔著幾層的人牆偷看你的臉。
沒有人能抗拒的高貴華麗
鎂光燈下光芒四射蓋過了
照相機快門咔嚓咔嚓的聲音不絕於耳
而像我這麼
偶爾能撿拾你的眼神已是驚豔
但不過叫我最回味的
還是某天與你見面時候
你那張沒有化粧的素臉
和不需透過米高峰傳到我耳中的細語

那天想起我的話，
給我send個短訊吧。
或者我該由這一刻開始，
下定決心去了解你。

。

To Photography
細水長流的人。

原諒我一直都沒察覺,
你長此以來都守候在我身邊。
直至由某一天開始，
我們牽著手走過世界多少個角落
透過彼此的眼睛
發現生活裏發生的點點滴滴

我們相處的每一秒
平淡如泉水 卻有種止渴的清甜
相對無言的一剎
我彷似看得到所謂永恒

所以我知道
縱是你會遠走
我會庸碌
繞過地球大半圈之後
還是會再遇見你
離開大概是為了回來
就算不能每天收到你的電話
你的聲音也已經在我腦海裏了

真正認識你的時間很短暫，
但你比誰都讓我覺得安心。

叫我很想一生一世陪在你的身邊。

。

To Psychology
Intellectural Communication的知己

別人說我厭倦你，
其實又怎麼會。
打從認識你開始已是一拍即合了，
之後還經歷過長期的互相影響，
令我相信我們之間的關係不是那麼容易分割的，
就連其他人也在我身上，
看得見你的影子--
聚舊也事必加插你的近況。

我有理由相信，
沒有你我的人生會來得簡單得多,
但如果沒有你我的人生也會很沉悶單調,
閒來沒事便正好需要你打個電話來噓寒問暖。

畢業以後大概要分道揚鏣了吧,
但放心我們一定保持聯絡,
待我想好了回來再找你吧。

。

To Drawing
Puppy Lover。

幼稚園時已經仰慕你了，
還誇口說要一生一世。

中學時代也是非常親密的,
天天見面甚至促膝夜談。

沒想到結果是要一生一世的麻煩你幫忙打點照顧
你也從來沒推搪半句。
多謝你這麼多年也支持著我。

P.S.你知道嗎，小時候寫的情信我還珍藏著呢。
上堂納悶的時候,我總會想起你的小玩意,
有時也學會像你哄我一樣哄哄別人，
到底世上沒有誰比你麼親切，
難怪你總是討人喜愛。

。
To Art
未來的朋友。

實在是久仰大名。
怪在我們都認識彼此的朋友卻從不相識。
多得他們向我透露你的近況，
我才知道事實的皮毛。
不過我想你知道，
雖然我不一定同意／明白你做的事，
但我仍然很欣賞你

總有遇見機會吧，得閒飲茶!

初探人類學

粗著膽子獨個殺入
Ethnicity, Ethnic group and ethnic identity。
大概已經到最後一年,我需要多一點點新刺激。
(到底在同一個環境再待下去,是會把意志消磨的。)

意義上實在是很深奧的一科,
而且是從未接觸的人類學,4字頭。
不過卻提醒了我這一句話︰
"The myth of race: the most dangerous fallacy of human"
世間上只有一個種族，
所以由我們用種族的眼光看待他人的那一刻起,它就存在了;
而當我們將種族的觀念放到無限大,變成racism,
便造成了世界各地的歧視、鬥爭、種族糾紛。

這時候會想起聖經中提到，
起初的人都說著同一樣的語言，
直至他們一起建成了巴別塔，
而神為了懲罰他們的驕傲，
讓他們開始說不同的方言，
分散各地。

如此說來，種族還有甚麼意義呢?
為甚麼我們要分甚麼家國敵我呢?

我又該怎麼回答那兩個問題︰
「為甚麼要保護中國文化?又如何保護文化遺產?」

再上了一課"Preserving Cultural Heritage"
handout裏對這些議題有無數答案任君選擇

但我想我得到的答案是這一個︰
既然用無數生命血汗堆砌出這幾千年的生活與社會變遷
從而造就了世界各種不同的文明
自當好好珍惜這一種Cultural Diversity

才兩堂課，我已經有這麼一點的感動
感動人類學裏對於文化、對於文化的價值、對平等與自由看得這麼重
讓我再一次窺見了人類文明所透露的無限光芒。